LOST Experience: DJ Dan 6/26 Podcast
On June 26th, a new link is posted on DJ Dan’s podcast page, which redirects gamers to Monster.com where his latest podcast can be found.
6/26 Podcast Audio
Transcript:
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you live, from the part of your craw where it all sticks:
FEMALE VOICES: *singing* DJ Dan.
ANNOUNCER: You’re listening to DJ DAN. Shutting down the man.
DJ DAN: It’s happened, Tonya. I’m in love.
TONYA: Who is it this week?
DJ DAN: Nope. This one’s different this time. This one’s special. This love, Tonya … It’s SHUTTIN’ ME DOWN!
TONYA: And why’s that, Dan?
DJ DAN: Because it’s a forbidden love.
TONYA: You’re married. Every love is a forbidden love.
DJ DAN: Does a priest date his parishioners?
TONYA: I hope not.
DJ DAN: Does a shepherd date his flock?
TONYA: Once again …
DJ DAN: And her name is Rachel Blake, Tonya, and she is the ultimate conspiraspy.
TONYA: How did you meet?
DJ DAN: Oh, we didn’t. But we have to. If you’re listening, Rachel, we need to talk. So here’s the deal: I’m on the web, surfing around one of my favorite Area 51 sites, when one of my conspiraspies IM’s me. Garthasoid? Your shout-out!
So … I head over to this little blog by this beautiful girl, say, lower, uh, middle 20s? Has that scrubbed, movie-version-of-a-girl-next-door look? All smiles and eyelashes. And the site talks about how she’s on a post-college Euro tour. So I’m thinking, okay, this chick is a little slice of heaven. But really, why does Garthasoid think I have to check this out? I mean, Garthasoid, you know what’s going down … We’re talking crop circles! We’re talking Loch Ness! And if I could, just for a second, just to put this whole business to rest for you Nessie Heads: It’s a soundstage, you morons! Same place where they faked the Mars landing.
Anyway. Point is, Rachel’s blog is pleasant. But I don’t have the time to be finding out which Geronimo Jackson song Little Suzy Cornbelt is listening to when she misses her mommy! But then I enter this code Garthasoid sends me … and the bells and whistles go off. And Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin! We got ourselves a huge, honkin’ ‘nother ball of wax! It’s a video blog!
Turns out Rachel is stalking this corporate dude, and the more I watch the more I realize everything is connected. Because the due is none other than Dr. Thomas Werner Mittelwerk! Evil name, I know. And it fits. ‘Cause if you don’t know Dr. Mittelwerk, he is a perpetrator of atrocities in the name of good. Dr. Mittelwerk is president of none other than …
ANNOUNCER: *Dramatic evil music* The Hanso Foundation! *Evil laugh*
DJ DAN: … a.k.a. Evil, Inc.! a.k.a. Secrets International! a.k.a. We do bad things in the name of wickedness and greed and sell them to the world as we’re saving the planet through our science one adorable child at a time! Cue the rainbow and fuzzy puppies.
So I’m on the site — and you’ve got to go, the footage out there is just nuts — and then I start to think: Is Rachel our girl? Is this the infamous Persephone, hacker of the Hanso Foundation website? Could be.
And then I start thinking: What is she doing? Is she like us? Is she looking for Alvar Hanso, who has been strangely missing from the world for the past four years? Is she really after Mittelwerk? Is she gonna take’m down, is she gonna take’m all down to Chinatown? I mean, who knows!
And then I get worried. Rachel, once again, if you’re listening: You’ve got to grow a fake beard or something, honey. These Hanso people, they’re ….
Anyway. Conspiraspies: Eyes on the prize. If Rachel Blake is willing to risk her pretty, little neck, let’s step up and help her! Go to her site. Rap with her. And if you ever bump into her in the real world, and she’s being followed by some shady goons, do us all a favor and drop … a banana peel.
ANNOUNCER: *music playing* You’re listening to DJ DAN… *sound effect* Shutting down the man!
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