Hey kids. Doc Jensen here. So check out my good fortune: Due to an unmentionable ‘’incident'’ (oh, okay, I had to pee. Sorry. Man, get off my back…), I lost my place in line at the Lost panel at the San Diego Comic-Con and didn’t get to hear Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse spill their juicy spoilers to the Lost faithful.
Anyway, as I was sitting outside Hall H, crying into my overpriced convention beverage, I heard a door slam with a loud bang and saw these security guard guys toss this lovely and familiar young woman on her face. As she got up and dusted herself off and marched away, my jaw dropped, as did my beverage.
It was RACHEL BLAKE. Star of The Lost Experience.
I immediately yanked out my tape recorder and chased after her. This is what happened next.
DOC JENSEN: My name is Doc Jensen. I’m a reporter for Entertainment Weekly —
RACHEL BLAKE: Doctor of what?
I’m sorry?
Why are your pants all wet?
Because I dropped my drink — wait, never mind. I want to talk to you.
Fine. You can run interference for me through this gaggle of stormtroopers up here.
[Ooof.] Okay: We know so little about you — which, to be honest, makes some of us who’ve been following your adventures wary of giving you our complete trust. So: What can you tell us about yourself?
Are we being followed?
Where did you grow up? Go to school? What’s your sign? Do you have a significant other? And because this is EW… what’s on your Must List?
‘’Must'’ list? Are you serious? What, you think people care that I’m a Virgo who loves the Go-Go’s or that I’ve… read Peter Pan 40 times? [Looks over her shoulder] You wanna know my favorite movie? How about Three Days of the Condor?
Some people out there seem to believe that you are merely a character in an alternate-reality game called The Lost Experience. How do you respond?
If I’m a character, then why are you talking to me?
Do you have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality?
Apparently not as much as you.
I apologize if you think I’m being rude in questioning your authenticity — but I have to make sure. So one more incredulous question: How do we know that you’re not ‘’one of them'’? Meaning: How do we know you’re not a Hanso agent, and that your ‘’investigation'’ isn’t part of Hanso’s larger agenda?
You’ve been watching too many episodes of Alias.
You watch Alias?
When I’m not trying to get killed.
How often is that?
You’re off-topic and losing your usefulness to me.
Did you know that it was canceled?
[She stops dead in her tracks. Small voice:] What?
Yeah, it, ah… you know. All shows have their time, you know. And it was Alias’ time.
[Sniff]
May I hold you?
No! What kind of journalist are you?
The freaky-theory kind. You say you’re trying to ‘’stop Hanso.'’ But what do you think it is that Hanso is doing that needs stopping?
Oh, so we stop moving for me to explain it to you, and the next thing we know, bang!, a black van pulls up and I get myself disappeared. You want the truth? Check out the T-shirt, man. [At this point, Rachel petulantly points to the large ‘’Hansoexposed.com'’ printed across the aforementioned T-shirt.]
I think you sat in something.
[Expletive] No wonder our free press is dying on the vine.
Are you really the mysterious hacker known as Persephone?
Well, I guess it’s not ‘’mysterious'’ anymore. Hey — you see the guy in the Chargers hat? He’s been following us since we left the convention center.
Is your real name ‘’Rachel Blake'’? And if so, why did you decide to reveal your true identity?
Is your real name ‘’Doc Jensen'’?
Answer my question.
No.
Initially, we all thought that your investigation was inspired by Persephone. Now that we know that you are Persephone, can you tell us: What really inspired your interest and investigation into Hanso? Is it personal? Is this a vendetta? Or are you merely a concerned global citizen?
I have my own reasons. What they are isn’t important. What’s important is that every single person on this planet should be concerned about what the Hanso Foundation is up to.
What does that mean?
I hope you never find out. The hard way, I mean.
Among the many things you’ve found in your investigation is evidence that the Hanso Foundation is searching for an island. Potentially connected to their interest in this island is the fact that they’ve recently built a customized ship and sent it to sea. Am I getting this right? Do you think there’s a connection between the island that they’re searching for and the Island on Lost?
Lost is a TV show… the Hanso Foundation is real. And if you’re looking for a connection, ask yourself why the HF is running commercials during Lost… I mean, doesn’t that mean they’re essentially paying for the show?
Are you suggesting the TV show actually serves another, alternative purpose than just a delivery system for its commercials?
No comment.
Is there a connection between The Black Rock, a ship that we’ve seen on the Island, and your revelations about Magnus Hanso, Alvar’s grandfather?
I don’t have time to watch the show. [Picks up her pace] You’re not really in shape, are you?
In a recent video blog, the man who you once thought was a Hanso Foundation goon working for Mittlewerk revealed himself to be an ally in your cause. He also promised you secrets — including an understanding of who you really are. What did he mean by that? Do you know who you are?
According to you, I’m a ‘’character,'’ so does it really matter?
You know, you’re not that fun to talk to.
You can report me to Miss Manners.
Wait: Was that a clue?
Are you flirting with me?
No. Answer my question. What did the goon tell you about Hanso? Did he tell you anything about Hanso’s whereabouts or the Dharma Initiative?
You want to be helpful? Use your journalist skills to find Alvar Hanso. And when you do — e-mail me. If you’re lucky, they’ll start harassing you and you’ll get a goon of your very own to ask these questions.
Did you learn what the DHARMA stands for?
See the T-shirt? You want to have fun with acronyms, go to the site.
Your investigations have led us to a mathematician named Valenzetti and something called the Valenzetti equation. For those of us who watch Lost, there’s something called the Numbers, a closed-set sequence with potentially supernatural properties: 4 8 15 16 23 42. Is there a connection?
You didn’t play a lot of sports as a kid, did you?
What did you make of the characterization to Hanso in the book Bad Twin?
Bad what?
So Bad Twin doesn’t exist in the RachelBlakeverse?
‘’Racheblakeverse'’? What, did you go to a Joss Whedon panel today?
Tell us about this new phase of your investigation. You’ve discovered a film — what we who watch Lost would recognize as a new Dharma orientation film — correct?
It’s not the film I found… it’s who presented the film and why.
You say you are trying to expose the Hanso Foundation and want our help, and yet you’ve made it pretty darn complicated for us to access the results of your investigation, and therefore help you. Why all this gamesmanship?
If I didn’t hide it all over the Web and bury it on corporate sites, those [expletive]-ers would wipe it out. Only chance I have at getting the truth out there is ‘’gamesmanship.'’
Are you concerned about people who think this is all a game and are trying to ‘’play along'’ by creating their own clues?
Yeah, I am. There’s a lot of misinformation out there… It’s great having people get so involved, but when they create their own ‘’fiction,'’ then reality gets confusing.
Let’s say everything you say is true. How do you hope to get out of this alive?
I guess I could let a reporter from a major magazine think he caught up with me and think he scored a quick interview in which I reveal my identity, thereby ensuring that if I get killed or ‘’disappear,'’ everyone’s going to know who’s responsible… but I guess that’d make me pretty devious, huh?
Some of us are worried that you might meet a fate worse than death: You might wake up one day and find yourself on an island being chased by a certain smoke monster. Think that’s possible? Do you think the Island could serve that purpose: as a prison for people inconvenient to the Hanso agenda?
Only monsters I know ain’t made of smoke. Don’t be cute — this is real. Lives are at stake. And if you actually have the nerve to print any of this — better start checking your rearview mirror. See ya…
Wait, one more question: Are you, uh, single?
You don’t want to go out with me. I’m not good for your health.
As of yet, it is uncertain as to wherther or not there are any clues hidden with-in this interview. One thing that I found interesting is that when she was questioned anout DHARMA, she mentioned acronyms. Is there an acronym somewhere in this article? I’m still looking.
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