LOST Experience: DJ Dan 6/21 Podcast
On June 21st, a new link was added to the DJ Dan podcast page. By following the ling, gamers were redirected to letyourcompassguideyou.com where, like a previous podcast, the new podcast can be found in the “owells” folder.
6/21 Podcast Audio
Transcript
ANNOUNCER: Coming to you live, from the part of your craw where it all sticks:
FEMALE VOICES: *singing* DJ Dan.
ANNOUNCER: You’re listening to DJ DAN. Shutting down the man.
DJ DAN: Life extension. Do you know what that is? It’s dumping hormones and drugs and cocktails of vitamins into your body, in the sad hope you’ll squeeze out an extra ten or twenty years?
TONYA: Good morning to you too, DJ DAN.
DJ DAN: Yep. Tonya: What’s a meaningful life?
TONYA: Uh … One where you meet the entire living cast of Gunsmoke?
DJ DAN: Tonya is just obsessed with TV westerns. And, while her response is glib, she actually makes a good point: If you fulfill your hopes and desires — make an impact on the world — if you do these things and you have some fun in the process, have you not lived a good life?
TONYA: I’d say.
DJ DAN: So, would you agree that Gandhi lived a good life? Martin Luther King, Jimi Hendrix, Lou Gehrig, Jesus of Nazareth?
TONYA: That list only included men.
DJ DAN: Fine, fine, fine. Mama Cass. Happy?
TONYA: Most of those people lived unnaturally short lives, DJ DAN.
DJ DAN: And yet they changed the world! They didn’t wait around. They didn’t buy into the lives of The Man, selling you on his pipe dreams. That’s right. Chris from Kansas City, what do you think?
CALLER ONE (Chris): Hi, now look, DJ DAN: I believe in life extension. Okay?
DJ DAN: Mmm hmmm. Tell me, Chris, are you enrolled in a life extension program?
CALLER ONE (Chris): Yes I am. It’s manufactured by this local company called Flower of Life Enterprises–
DJ DAN: Local, you say? Try local by way of Denmark, Chris!
CALLER ONE (Chris): Huh?
DJ DAN: I don’t want to alarm you, son, but you are in the grips of the big baddies.
CALLER ONE (Chris): But I’m telling you, I feel — I feel great!
DJ DAN: And I’m telling you that Flower of Life is a subsidiary of none other than
ANNOUNCER: *Dramatic evil music* The Hanso Foundation! *Evil laugh*
DJ DAN: *Chuckles* I figured I’d harp on these guys now that I have a button.
CALLER ONE (Chris): Uh, who’s the Hanso Foundation?
DJ DAN: Who’s the Hanso Foundation? SHUTDOWN! Sorry, Chris, I had to do it. I feel something coming on … It’s taking me over … It’s making me do this …
TONYA: Oh, here it comes again.
DJ DAN: It’s a vast conspiracy, Tonya, of the medical community, the pharmaceutical companies, the wellness groups, and these pseudo-science quacks with their miracle formulas, like the Hanso Foundation … They keep saying they’ll extend your life. It’s a vast conspiracy to take your money and lull you into a sense that you have all the time in the world. They’re singing a lullaby, Tonya, and the fight is going out of the world!
Now, to answer Chris’s question: The Hanso Foundation is numero uno on my hit list. And why? Because they lie. Because they’re shrouded in secrecy. Because their founder, Alvar Hanso — arms-dealer-turned-peace-flag-waving-pseudo-scientist-liar-in-chief — Hanso himself has been undergoing, according to one of my ConspiraSpy sources, life extension treatments that have rendered him a monkey man … a freak show … unfit for contact with the public. Why do you think no one’s seen this guy for years? ‘Cause he’s swinging through the trees of some mountain in the Netherlands!
Now, we’ve all seen their web site, and we’ve seen our hack artist Persephone’s good work: The Hanso Foundation’s got this crazy old orangutan named Joop. Yeah, he’s supposed to appeal to the kids. But when you click on him, he just goes friggin batty! Now, call me crazy, but I’m willing to put money on the fact that this Joop is none other than Alvar Hanso himself. And I’m afraid, Tonya. I’m afraid that any day, our friend Chris is gonna look just like him! ConspiraSpies, let me know: Have I gone too far? Has DJ DAN finally cracked up, or could it be I’m on to something? Your theories, your rants, your raves … when we come back.
ANNOUNCER: *music playing* You’re listening to DJ DAN… *sound effect* Shutting down the man!
MUSIC
MALE VOICE: We’re here talking to bounce-bobble head authority on keeping it movi’n. Eh-yo so bounce, what’s been rock’n you lately?
BOUNCE: E-Er-E-Er-E-Er-E-Er-E-Er
MALE VOICE: All right! The new Jeep Compass.
BOUNCE: U-Urr-U-Urrr- U-Urrr
MALE VOICE: Get out, an mp3 input, and foot down real lift gate speakers, AND an available 450 gigawatt Boston acoustic stereo?
BOUNCE: E-Er-E-Er-E-Er
MALE VOICE: Oh that’s cool… Freedom drive, one full time four-wheel drive… NICE.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Totally new Jeep Compass. Starting at just $15,985. Freedom, in a whole new dimension. Jeep is a registered trade mark of Daimlerchrysler.
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Wow, these guys don’t miss a trick. The looped in a Jeep ad, they suborned the new “Sublymonal” campaign for I think 7-up. What I think is hilarious is how the show has been running short spots for the Hanso Foundation. They go by so quickly if you blink you will miss it, but I noticed it when I was recording one of the last three shows of the season for my husband while he was at a convention. They make the whole Star Trek crew look like marketing pikers. Very clever….